The entire Internet seems to have blown up over a 1984 Eastern Virginia Medical School yearbook photo that portrays Virginia Democrat Governer Ralph Northam in a racist light. But forget about that. The New York Times has found something even bigger and much more important to write about: Trump’s tan. That’s right, the president’s complexion, which the Times headline calls a “state secret.”
Please…
According to the Times:
The trees in the capital are barren, spindly things. The temperature has dipped, requiring puffy coats. With the government open — for now — President Trump has left the frigidity of governing for a weekend in Palm Beach.
But in a town where not even the longtime operation of the federal government seems certain, Mr. Trump has adhered to one constant: a conspicuously sun-kissed glow, one that has shone like a stoplight against Washington’s graying backdrop. Much like Warhol’s shock of white hair or Big Bird’s saffron plumage, the president’s vibrant hue is so consistently present and meticulously maintained that it was a culturally embedded representation of him long before he entered politics.
The president’s shade is one that Alec Baldwin, the actor who portrays Mr. Trump regularly on “Saturday Night Live,” recently described as vacillating between a “Mark Rothko orange” and a “slightly paler Orange Crush,” depending on the setting. Which right now is February in Washington.
The Times even informs us that Trump’s tan is “the result of ‘good genes,'” which, the Times says, is “according to a senior administration official who would speak only on the condition of anonymity.”
Will this presidential election be the most important in American history?
That’s right, yet another anonymous source. We suspect that whoever the source may be — assuming the source exists — was probably embarrassed about being asked a question about such a silly subject.
And, the unnamed official claims, the president also uses “a little powder — a translucent one, not a bronzer — which the president applies himself before television appearances…”
But wait, there’s more, as the Times tells us:
But mysteries abound. One persistent question: Does Mr. Trump use a tanning bed, as a talkative makeup artist said in 2016 and Omarosa Manigault Newman, a former aide, claimed in a tell-all book? (Ms. Manigault Newman wrote that an usher was fired for mishandling transport of the contraption.)
Mr. Trump’s former boarding school classmates have described him as a fan of ultraviolet rays, someone who would pop a tanning bulb into a light socket to go “to the beach.” Even James B. Comey, the former F.B.I. director turned presidential foe, speculated on Mr. Trump’s glow. The president’s “face appeared slightly orange,” Mr. Comey wrote in his memoir, “with bright white half-moons under his eyes where I assumed he placed small tanning goggles.”
But according to three people who have spent time in the White House residence, no such bed or spray-tan booth exists in a hidden nook of the residence, a cranny of the East Wing or a closet on Air Force One. Two senior White House officials insisted that no such apparatus exists.
So, does the president use self-tanning creams, sprays or lotions? Yes, the Times looked into that as well.
“He looks more orangy than he does tan,” Dr. Tina Alster, a top Washington dermatologist, told the Times, adding that this is a “telltale sign.”
The good doctor also suggested Trump may have suffered sun damage at some time in the past.
But whatever the president is doing to his skin, the Times assures us that he’s doing it in private. Well, that’s a relief… I’m not certain the Republic could withstand seeing Trump apply lotions or cream to his skin in public.
Who knows, perhaps Maxine Waters, the California Democrat obsessed with impeachment and conspiracy theories involving Russia, would demand his immediate impeachment.
Related:
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- CNN investigates Russian salad dressing after Sean Spicer uses it to hammer media in press briefing — Video
- Stop the presses: CNN, Time report that Trump gets two scoops of ice cream, everyone else gets one
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