Old Bay, Spaghetti Selfies, and Sweatpants of Meat: Laughter for the Holidays

Look out Lady Gaga, here comes Arby’s! Yes, Arby’s has the meats and this Christmas, if you’re lucky, you can wear them—according to Fox News. It seems the carnivorous food chain is giving away meat-print sweats and hoodies to a few lucky meat-eaters. Now, if they’re scented, I’m in!

I admit it. I was captured by the headline about the meat clothing and just had to read the story. I laughed a little—which was nice. Given the serious nature of news stories this year, I thought it might be refreshing to just see what humorous stories are floating around out there in the ether.

This one, for instance. Also from Fox News, apparently if you smear spaghetti all over your body and then snap a picture of it, that is considered sexy. This story actually gives me hope. I have Christmas cookie crumbs falling out of my beard as we speak and, yes, I have had to wipe spaghetti sauce out of my eyebrows at least once in the past. If this is your cup of tea (or plate of pasta), you won’t get any condemnation from me. To each their own, I reckon. I never thought of myself as sexy though…until now at least.

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This one has a happy ending. Some poor guy accidentally tossed his wife’s wedding ring into the Salvation Army kettle in Oklahoma. I immediately had a vision of my wife beating me about the ears with one of those brightly colored pool noodles. But this wife played it cool. She called the Salvation Army office and they, also playing it cool, gave her ring back. To show her gratitude, she gave a generous donation. Good times at the red kettle. Classy folks.

MSN is turning all Sherlock Holmes over on their site where they ponder the age old question, “What’s Really in Old Bay Seasoning?” They give some interesting facts about the seasoning and then let us know that, apparently, there have been many foodie sleuths to spend countless dollars and time trying to copy the seasoning in the bright yellow tin. Hey, I like the stuff too. But it’s like five bucks for a can. And even if you figure it out I’m pretty sure you can’t sell it…not without a lawsuit anyway. I’m not sure this is the best investment of your time. You should probably be trying to win those beef britches from Arby’s instead.

Here’s one that’s off the beaten path. Apparently you can get oysters from…a vending machine? Yep. According to a story from Reuters, some French oyster farmers are offering you oysters from a vending machine. This one begged two questions from me over here at the peanut gallery. One, how often do you change those suckers out? Two, what happens if the machine won’t take your second quarter? In all fairness, it’s a pretty neat idea and I urge you to check out the story. This is definitely thinking outside the box to boost sales. But I’m from the hills of Arkansas. Put some beef jerky or a good sirloin steak and baked potato in one of those dudes and you might be onto something.

Laughter is good just like a medicine. But laughing and joking aside, I pray that we can put aside politics and everything else that has kept us divided throughout the year and celebrate the one day of the year that we can largely all agree on. For those who have lost loved ones this year, my heart goes out to you. For those who are down on your luck, going through a rough patch, or trying to figure out what to do next, may God’s peace be yours this season. I hope you can read this and laugh—even for just a few moments.

May you and yours have a happy and laughter-filled Christmas.

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