WOW. On Friday morning the Washington Redskins announced it is launching a review of its team name.
“In light of recent events around our country and feedback from our community, the Washington Redskins are announcing the team will undergo a thorough review of the team’s name. This review formalizes the initial discussions the team has been having with the league in recent weeks.
Dan Snyder, Owner of the Washington Redskins, stated, “This process allows the team to take into account not only the proud tradition and history of the franchise but also input from our alumni, the organization, sponsors, the National Football League and the local community it is proud to represent on and off the field.”
Ron Rivera, Head Coach of the Washington Redskins remarked, “This issue is of personal importance to me and I look forward to working closely with Dan Snyder to make sure we continue the mission of honoring and supporting Native Americans and our Military.”
We believe this review can and will be conducted with the best interest of all in mind”
What brought this announcement after years of pressure?
On Thursday, one of its biggest sponsors. FedEx asked the team to change its name from Redskins based on a letter to the company from 87 investment firms asking the shipping company to terminate their business relationships with the NFL’s Washington Redskins unless the team agrees to change its name. Similar letters were sent to Nike and PepsiCo, who are also major sponsors of the team. FedEx issued a statement saying, “We have communicated to the team in Washington our request that they change the team name.” In 2000 FedEx paid $205 for the naming rights to the Redskins’ stadium through 2025. And the boss and founder of FedEx, Frederick Smith, also owns a minority stake in the Redskins.
Additionally, Nike seems to have removed all its Washington Redskins merchandise and apparel off its online website.
Being that it’s July 4th weekend and the Redskins are being so patriotic, as a fellow patriotic American I thought I would help the team even though I am a huge NY Jets fan.
Below are some alternate names for the team that are more politically correct. The Redskins are free to use any of the names below without paying us a cent (although if they wanted to offer us prime game tickets, we wouldn’t object):
- Something timely? How about the Washington “Russia, Russia. Russia,” “the COVID-11” or the “Statue Slammers?” Here’s an idea that’s not only timely, but it also relates to football, “The Facemasks,” Another one in that category could be the “Mount Rush-mores.”
- From a New Yorker? How about “Thank God We’re Not The NY Jets “? OK, it’s a bit long, but sadly, it’s a chant that should be heard in every NFL stadium. Speaking about N.Y. —they could call the team the “Cuomo Granny Killers.”
- Personally, I would really like it if they called the team the Yids with Lids: Yes, my nickname Yidwithlid is a pejorative term for Jooooos. That’s why it was chosen–as a “screw you” to anti-Semites (hey if I think Redskins is OK…). If they like the Jewish theme but want to make Jesse Jackson happy, they could call the team “The Hymies.”
- Many pro-football teams have animal names, like the Dolphins, Jaguars, Cougars, and Ravens. How about an animal associated with Washington D.C., such as “The Lame Ducks “?
- Washington D.C. is the seat of the federal government; other teams have taken their names from governmental institutions, such as the former baseball team, the Senators. Football is a sport with large menacing athletes, so perhaps they could adopt the name “The Bloated Bureaucracy” or “The Deep Staters.”
- The team could take on a name related to the political class, like “The Hacks” or “The News Spinners.” To make the liberals happy, Snyder could rename the team after Chuck Schumer, the Obstructors, which sounds like a good football name. If they want to kiss up to Pelosi, the Redskins can become the “Collagen Injections.” Or if they wanted the team to be named for Schumer and Pelosi’s favorite Congressman, “The Schiffhead Impeachers.”
- Tampa Bay has the Buccaneers, Oakland has the Raiders, so I thought Washington could have “The Stealers,” but that won’t work because it’s too close to the Pittsburgh team. But how about “The High Taxers, “” The Redistributors,” or even “The IRS Hit-Squad “?
- How about taking a number? After all, the 49ers have a long history of winning football. Why not call the team the “Washington 26 Trillion,” after the national debt? Nah, that won’t work because then the team will have to change what they are called every few weeks.
- There are several teams with the name of an occupation associated with the city, like the Dallas Cowboys. Using that method, the football team could even name itself “The Fake News,” or even the “Super Pacs.”
- Here’s a suggestion I got from a reader who really wanted to piss off the cancel culture, the “President Trumps.”
All of these names would be interesting and effective, I hope the team gives them consideration. Also, I believe that my favorite team, the Jets should change their name to be more accurate. Generally, when playing a big game the team has a lead in the third quarter and then blows it. They should change their name to “Why Does God Hate our fans?”
Here’s a few more suggestions:
- Washington Woketards
- Washington Wusses
- Washington Knee-Benders
- Washington Weasels
- Washington Wimps
- Washington Lobbyists
What say you? Let us know in the comment section below.
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Cross-posted with The Lid
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