Taxpayers dollars at work: Feds unveil painfully embarrassing anti-terrorism video

Message from the Feds: Don't get laid.
Message from the Feds: Don’t get laid.

As the old saying goes, you’re not paranoid if everyone really is out to get you. That particular axiom just may be the official motto of the good folks at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.

In a recently released taxpayer paid-for video with the Star Wars-esque title of “Know the Risk – Raise Your Shield: Travel Awareness,” never has acting been as compelling and believable as that offered up by Dirk Diggler of Boogie Nights fame.

And as anyone who’s ever had the misfortune of being forced to sit through a butt-numbing, coma-inducing government movie, you can rest assured that KTR-RYS:TA won’t disappoint.

Of course, the Obama Administration’s flick never uses the words “radical Islamic terrorism,” but it’s made abundantly clear that if a white nerdlinger should happen to get hit on by a rather lovely woman (possibly of Arab extraction?) she’s just not that into you.

Remember, don’t allow yourself to get set-up for a kidnapping and possible decapitation. The DNI makes clear that you should think with your big head, not the other one.

What must always remain in the back of the mind any given American traveling overseas is this: The government doesn’t have a surplus of individuals with a very particular set of skills, skills they have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make them a nightmare for people like those who want to kidnap you.

Long story short, don’t count on the Feds to bail you out.

So what to do when everyone from Customs officials to the concierge to the hottie you just shared a cab with wants the inside dope on your travel plans? Fret not, the Feds have a solution – get a burner phone and a temporary email address.


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