On Friday, the Internet blew up with allegations presented by the tabloid National Enquirer that Ted Cruz allegedly engaged in extramarital affairs with five women. Two of those women have denied the claims, one has reportedly retained an attorney and Cruz has called the story “garbage,” blaming Donald Trump and his “henchmen.” Talk show host Michael Savage has threatened to withdraw his support of Trump if the GOP front-runner refuses to disavow the story and Trump says he had nothing to do with it.
So we thought we would present a different take on this whole sordid affair (no pun intended) and present some ideas for those who believe this story. (We did something similar when Democrats blamed Mitt Romney for the death of a steelworker’s wife, as you may recall.)
How about this: Photos reveal Ted Cruz tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden. Naturally, only the National Enquirer would have these photos, and they no doubt came from an anonymous source. Eve could not be reached for comment, but a source close to the incident says the serpent had an uncanny resemblance to the Texas Republican.
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Or this: Ted Cruz forced Ted Kennedy off the road into Poucha Pond, killing Mary Jo Kopechne. No one has denied the story so it must be true. After all, this seems to be the modus operandi of some in the media…
Or: Ted Cruz helped Mitt Romney kill the dinosaurs.
We can go on like this, but I’m sure you get the idea.
What’s really sad is that there are probably quite a few people who would actually believe this…
Got some ideas of your own? We’d like to see them, so put ’em in the comments below.
- Michael Savage threatens to withdraw support from Donald Trump over National Enquirer smear
- Alleged Cruz sex scandal blows up Twitter; ‘Mistresses’ deny, call report ‘tabloid trash’
- Video: Ted Cruz slams ‘Sleazy Donald’ for sex scandal allegations
- Conservatives say Fox News lying about Cruz-Super PAC connection to Melania ad
- Trump-Cruz battle turns into war of words over candidates’ wives