Hilarious hammering of the colossal Clinton book dud

Kevin WhitemanSeptember 18, 2016

0 901 6 minutes read

clinton wanted to burn blogger — Clinton faces humiliation over lousy book. (Youtube)

Clinton faces humiliation over lousy book. (Youtube)

In what was supposed to be a runaway bestseller, the Clinton and Kaine collaboration of Stronger Together should just simply run away.

As Amy Chozick of the New York Times News Service reports, “Hillary Clinton’s newest book, Stronger Together, which provides a policy blueprint for where she hopes to take the country if she is elected president, sold just 2,912 copies in its first week on sale, according to Nielsen BookScan.”

Besides the embarrassment of having a monumental flop on her hands, HeatStreet.com does a fine job of turning up the Clinton heat by listing the 10 books that come in higher than Stronger Together on the Amazon best sellers list;

1. A Memoir from a former star of The Bachelorette. Former reality star Andi Dorfman has penned an absolute page-turner about how its a terrible idea to find your future husband in a pool of 25 men competing for your affection on a television show.

2. The Pokemon Deluxe Essential Handbook. If you’re one of the few people still playing Pokemon Go, this book is listed as an “absolute must-have.”

3. The Publication Manual of the American Psychiatric Association. In fairness, this is a required textbook for a number of college technical and medical writing courses. But it’s still probably more entertaining than Tim Kaine’s thoughts on trickle-down economics.

4. A coloring book of swear words. It’s supposed to help you “release your anger.” You can find a list of the included profanity in the book’s “product description” (it even includes “tw*t waffle!”)

5. Crusoe the Celebrity Dachsund’s 2017 calendar. Guys, he’s dressed as a cop on the cover. He even has a tiny doughnut. How could you possibly go wrong?

6. At least three books about how terrible Hillary Clinton is. You can read either about the Clintons’ first term in the White House, about how Donald Trump will make sure they won’t have a second, or about how we’re all probably going to die anyway. Take your pick.

7. The Constitution. America’s founding document has actually been having a great few weeks, with various versions topping both Amazon’s and the New York Times best-seller lists.

8. A practical guide to training your cat. The reviews on this one are impressive, despite the fact that it’s basically impossible to actually train a cat.

9. A cook book written by the authors of a website called “Thug Kitchen.” It promises to teach you to “eat some goddamn vegetables,” and to “cook up some real f*cking food” (Note: we ordered this book immediately).

10. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Given her latest poll numbers, perhaps Hillary Clinton should be reading this book, rather than promoting her own.

If the shame of falling behind a wiener dog calendar isn’t shameful enough, there’s always the knowledge that a full 84 percent of Amazon reviews rate the book a degrading one star out of five.

And what may come to the biggest shock to the already fragile Clinton mental state would be that other than hearing her praises sung by the sycophants and bootlickers she’s surrounded herself with, the average American savage her on the Amazon site, often with hilarious results.

Some of the more awesome comments;

By chjhorses on September 16, 2016

Pre-ordered an autographed copy but had to return it after this week’s announcement as I was worried it was contaminated with pneumonia bacteria. I didn’t want to end up exposed to the illness like her grandkids in Chelsea’s apartment she was playing with on 9/11 after she collapsed, or the little girl she was hugging in the street afterwards. Thought about ordering the Kindle version but I thought it might open my device up to being hacked by communist countries. I wasn’t too surprised to see Tim Kaine on the front cover giving the traditional National Socialist salute, I felt it fitting. Strongly recommended for those who believe the USA isn’t anything special and should be more like the peaceful utopias of North Korea, Iran, or Cuba.

By seaoh on September 17, 2016

This could be the first “book” in history to have more reviews on amazon the actual sales bwwwwaaaahAAHA lol

By DH on September 17, 2016

[ Reviewer was assassinated by Hillary Rodham Clinton ]

By Daniel B. on September 14, 2016

I was going to read this book…..I really was. But just as I got started, I found myself under sniper fire, passed out, and fell and hit my head. After that I got double vision and had to wear glasses that were so damn thick I couldn’t even see to read. As if that wasn’t enough, I then had an allergic reaction to something and started coughing so hard I spit out what looked like a couple of lizard’s eyeballs, my limbs locked up, and I passed out and fell down again, waking up only to find out I had been diagnosed with pneumonia 2 days earlier. Somehow I managed to power through it all, but it’s a good thing I was able to make a small fortune on this random small trade in the commodities market (cattle futures or some such thing) and then, miracle of all miracles, a few banks offered me a few million to just talk to their employees for a few minutes – and all that really helped out because I swear I was dead broke and couldn’t figure out how I was gonna come up with the 6 bucks to pay for this book, let alone pay the $1,500 for my health insurance this month. I still want to read it, but, honestly, what difference at this point does it make? I hear it sucks anyway.

By Eric on September 18, 2016

Customers who bought this also bought a rope and a stool.

By televisionfan323 on September 18, 2016

I was given this book as a gift by someone who clearly hates me. Pages fit perfectly in the bottom tray of Mr. Cheep-Cheep’s birdcage tho! Apparently Mr. Cheep-Cheep can read, he crapped on them then threw them out of the cage, kinda like I did when I read it. As “Urban Legend” says in his review, “Save your money for food for your family just in case she is elected”.

By Donna N on September 18, 2016

Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this narcissistic political text contains bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. It took Bernie, and then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. But that didn’t stop it, it came back. Big time.

By P. Dellechiaie on September 17, 2016

I originally gave this book 2 stars but am revising downward because I just found my cat dead and nailed to my front door.

By Scott Shepard ([email protected]) on September 18, 2016

This is easily the greatest book ever written! I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. I’m going to buy a couple cases so that this book can be in every pew at my church! It’s almost holy in what it contains!
The book lays out a vision for our country and all its people. It’s a blueprint for building a nation that flows with milk and honey.
Hillary is our deliverer!(OK, Brazile. I wrote what you told me to write. Will you now release my child unharmed?)

By Greg. T on September 18, 2016

Truly the Mein Kamf for a new generation. I have never in my life been more inspired than I was after reading this magnificent account of Hillary’s struggles, particularly in regards the truth and her inability to avoid pandering. The mellifluous prose she employs makes it obvious that it took a village to raise this idiot and that one can overcome every hurdle in life, up to and including your husband using an intern as a cigar humidor.

I have a new found appreciation for the women who was heaved unceremoniously like a sack of potatoes into the back of her van and who then remerged hours later, her Cyberdyne Systems microprocessor fully rebooted, to continue her run for our nation’s highest office: Commander and Thief.

By Liam on September 18, 2016

It sucks. The end.