Democrats to impeach Trump for exhaling ‘racist’ CO2 (Satire)

Since the day he was elected, desperate Democrats have been pushing the idea of impeaching Donald Trump.  Now that the allegations of Russian interference and collusion with the Trump campaign have been thoroughly shown to be an outright lie, Democrats and their allies in the so-called mainstream media have shifted their rhetoric, and seek to label President Trump a racist and a white nationalist.

With this in mind, Rep. Al Green, D-Texas, filed a motion to impeach the president for exhaling what he called “racist” carbon dioxide.  And, we have learned from our sources deep within the Democrat Party (who, by the way, literally risked their lives to provide us with this information) that the entire caucus is on board with the idea.

Keep in mind that all of us exhale carbon dioxide, or CO2.  But, according to Green and others, since Trump is a racist, then the CO2 that leaves his body is also racist.  And this could have global implications.

“We can’t have this in the nation’s capitol,” Green said.  “It’s bad enough that we have to have this horrific greenhouse gas polluting our planet, but to have Trump’s racist exhaust included in our environment is beyond the pale.”

Others we spoke to agreed.

“No justice, no pieces,” said Rep. Maxine Waters, D-Calif. “And you know I’m down for ANYTHING to impeach 45.  Say it with me.  IMPEACH 45!  IMPEACH 45!”

“This is why we need the, you know, Green New Deal,” Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-NY, added.  “The planet can’t, like, survive with Trump’s racist carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.”

“Some people did some things,” Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., told us.  “We can’t allow this racist pollution of our environment to continue.”

“Look, a**h**e,” added frequent MSNBC guest Donny Deutsch, “Everyone knows that Trump is a racist, sexist, bigoted Russian Nazi.  That means the CO2 he exhales is ALSO racist, sexist and homophobic, and will be used by Vladimir Putin to undermine our essential bodily fluids.  He has to go.”

A few Republicans, like Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, scoffed at the notion, calling it the latest act of desperation by a party now overrun with socialists who couldn’t find a fact if it bit them in the rear end.

Other Republicans, however, were too busy sucking their thumbs in the fetal position to respond.

Sen. Mitt Romney, R-Nev., said he would be open to agreeing with Democrats after examining the evidence.

“I think it bears serious consideration,” he said.

But the questions remain.  If Trump is impeached, would he not continue to exhale as normal?  And what about the millions of voters who support the president?

We reached out to noted political environmentalist Beavis B. Head, executive director of the Planetary Institute for Solidarity and Systematization, for an explanation.

“It is a serious problem that must be dealt with,” he told us in an exclusive interview.  “Simply impeaching the president would not prevent the CO2 he exhales from polluting the environment.  Nor would it decrease the carbon footprint of his immense support base.”

So, we asked, what could be done?

“That’s a difficult question, to be certain,” he said.  “Obviously, we need to find a way to prevent all that racist CO2 from becoming part of the environment.  Imagine what could happen if enough plants absorb that much racism and hate.  It could impact the entire planet for generations to come.  Unfortunately, I don’t think Congress is quite ready to deal with that problem.”

Michael Shannon, an actor who once played in a Superman movie, provided one possible solution: “If you’re voting for Trump, it’s time for the urn.”

(Note:  All of the above — except for the quote by Michael Shannon — is satire, which means it didn’t happen.)


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Joe Newby

A 10-year veteran of the U.S. Marine Corps, Joe ran for a city council position in Riverside, Calif., in 1991 and managed successful campaigns for the Idaho state legislature. Co-author of "Banned: How Facebook enables militant Islamic jihad," Joe wrote for Examiner.com from 2010 until it closed in 2016 and his work has been published at Newsbusters, Spokane Faith and Values and other sites. He now runs the Conservative Firing Line.

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