In Praise of Cigarette Commercials

In Praise of Cigarette Commercials

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We banned cigarette commercials for this?

I’ll readily admit I’m not advocating cigarette smoking, especially with me being a contented ex-smoker and all that. But with that said, I want cigarette commercials back on the air.

There, I’ve said it.

Why? Because the universe needs balance, that’s why. The Yin and the Yang of the cosmos is screwed up because of stanky and scratchy ying-yangs.

I’m quite sure that if any given gal who’s suffering from dreaded *intimate feminine itch and odor* probably already knows what to buy and where to buy it. Do we really need commercials reminding us that there’s a fungus among us?

But to prove this isn’t an anti-woman screed, here’s something else I’m sick of seeing on television – those damn Viagra commercials. Guys, if you can only raise colors to half mast, you know what?

I.

Don’t.

Care.

I sure as hell don’t want to watch commercials of some fictitious geriatric stud who’ve suddenly become full-on horn dog over some sexually stimulating circumstance that just happened… like realizing he still has a pulse.

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The only E.D. I want to hear about.

The only E.D. that gets my attention is E.D. Hill, remember that cute strawberry blonde that use to work for Fox News?

But I digress. There’s nothing more of a buzz kill for guys watching really kick ass war movies or Sevens Rugby than to be reminded of the horrific eventuality that will befall us all; a flaccid crotch croc.

But what gets me, I mean REALLY gets me, are those adult diaper commercials. Isn’t it bad enough that we’re bombarded with the mental image that south of the equator there’s either enough yeast to open a bakery, or of a very sad turtle who will never be poking his head out of his shell… ever again?

OK, I get it. Eventually, our junk will be in a funk. But I draw the line at the most personal, most private, most odoriferous of bodily functions that advanced age will visit upon us all like a thief in the night. An itchy, flaccid, smelly thief.

The so-called progressive mindset has let the decorum genie out of the bottle. And I realize that will never change, but is it really asking that much just to let us age gracefully and with just a little of our dignity still intact?

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