And now for something completely different…

And now for something completely different…

What time is it?
What time is it?
What time is it?

Who says all conservatives are just a bunch of humorless curmudgeons? Submitted for your approval, pithy sayings, really cool videos you never knew existed, random observations, and the backstory to why we do certain things.

Enjoy.

  • Whenever someone loses something, when they finally find it, they usually say, “And it was in the last place I looked!” Well, of course it was in the last place you looked. Why would you keep looking after you found it?
  • The only nation to ever exchange ambassadors with the Confederate States of America was the Vatican.
  • Isn’t it strange how those who are competent, motivated, and aren’t afraid to sacrifice “have all the luck?”
  • So why is it that a bottle of champagne is broken across a ship’s bow when its initially launched? We get that from the ancient Vikings. Upon the launching of a new longboat, they’d sacrifice a child to the gods for success for the new ship, all that jazz… but it was how they sacrificed the child as to where we got the tradition of breaking a bottle of bubbly. The Norsemen would snatch up a newborn, hold him by both ankles and swing the baby like a baseball bat against the bow until his skull eventually broke open.
  • During the Battle of Berlin, one group of Hitler’s most loyal troops were the Waffen-Grenadier-Brigade der SS Charlemagne. They were all French.
  • Only in America do poor people have big screen TVs, Play Stations, and internet connections. All of it paid for by someone else, of course.
  • When it’s TEOTWAWKI, while everyone else is beating each other to death over the last box of Cocoa Puffs, grab all the canned cat food you can. Cat food is basically the same meat the government puts in field rations (MREs) for the military.
  • Why did it take two atomic bombs before Japan wised up?
  • Long believed to be one of the great fights for freedom, the Storming of the Bastille freed only seven prisoners; three forgers, two nut-jobs, and one very spoiled minor aristocrat whose own father had him imprisoned there so sonny boy could avoid an impending duel.
  • When American and British troops landed in North Africa, it wasn’t German troops that opened fire on them… it was the French.
  • How in the hell does a word spelled “A-S-K” come out of some peoples mouths as “Axe”? It’s not exactly a tongue twister. Here, I’ll help with Hooked On Phonics — “Aaah” “Sss” “Kuh” — now put it all together, stupid.
  • Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.
  • The American Indians were committing mass murder, ethnic cleansing, slavery, total war, and eating each other way before the evil white Christian European males ever showed up.
  • In 1966 when France pulled out of NATO, de Gaulle ordered all American troops “off French soil.” The US government responded by asking if that included the over 60,000 American troops in French soil.
  • I’ll choke to parade rest the next person I hear using the word “Calvary” when they mean “Cavalry”.
  • Do we need the government to protect us from ourselves?
  • Educated bullets don’t respect raw courage.
  • The French, the French, what a curious race. They fight with their feet and f**k with their face.
  • Am I alone here in hating the French?

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